Friday, June 29, 2012

Foodie Friday, Feederism

So, this is perhaps the antithesis of what Foodie Fridays is about, but it does have to do with food, and with love…although of a kind I’m not particularly comfortable with.
There is a show on TLC called {strange} SEX concerning some of the issues, fetishes and sexual proclivities people experience. One episode had an eye-opening piece on feederism, something I hadn’t heard of and yet, when I saw it, realized I’d actually seen in action. If you’re interested, you can watch a clip here.
The woman in the piece was obese (and I don’t use that word lightly) and her male partner loves to feed her. He loves her size and wants her to get bigger, so he provides her with the means to increase her weight, literally feeding her when they eat together. It seems a symbiotic relationship, with her wanting to be helpless and have him take care of her (her words, not mine!) and him apparently quite happy to do so.
I love food as much as or perhaps more than the next person, but find the entire concept frightening.
Their relationship is dependent on her maintaining and even increasing something (her weight) which could very well kill her. If, for medical or personal reasons, she has to or chooses to lose weight, does that mean their relationship will end? I’ve actually seen that happen and it’s brutal. I’ve had overweight friends who’ve slimmed down and lost boyfriends or husbands, even other friends. As though they’re somehow no longer the same person.
Then there is her wish to become completely dependent on him…become so huge she can’t do anything for herself and he has to do everything for her. Personally that’s terrifying, my greatest nightmare—the reason I fear old age and sickness. And what happens if she achieves her goal and he then decides looking after her isn’t what he wants to do, and he leaves?
I’m a huge advocate of love, of looking for and finding the person who can accept you for who you are, but I don’t think I can subscribe to this. It’s wonderful to see a woman who accepts and loves herself as she is, no matter what that looks like, but to sacrifice her health with 6-egg-and-a-pound-or-two-of-bacon-and-sausage breakfasts is too much for me. And it’s one thing for a man to love a big and beautiful woman, but another (in my humble opinion) when that love seems not to include a component of caring about her long-term wellbeing.
To each their own has long been my philosophy but even for someone who adores food, this is a little too much for me.

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